


Shine

by erazedtrash



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Genderfluid, M/M, Multi, Other, non-binary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-22 15:42:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13767294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erazedtrash/pseuds/erazedtrash
Summary: This is the story of Dom who struggles with the things that come with being non-binary and how a blue eyed teen helps them to be accepted by society and accepted by themselves...Trigger warnings: strong language, self-loathing, self-harming, mentions of su*cide





	1. Chapter 1

Dom's P.O.V.

 

"You have to phone me when something goes wrong, Dominic," my mother insisted and continued staring through the windshield. We were on our way to the airport.

"I told you not to call me that, mum," I grumbled.

"But you're my little boy," she returned in confusion and stroked my cheek. 

"I am not a boy," I snapped angrily and my mum flinched. "Neither am I a girl," I added. 

Mum seemed like she hadn't accepted I was non-binary to this day. She constantly messed up my pronouns and called me Dominic most of the time though I had told her so many fucking times to just call me Dom because that was more of a gender neutral name in my opinion.

My mother rolled her eyes at me in response and I got out of the car. "Just promise you'll call me, alright?" she asked with a slight hint of worry to her voice.

I got my suitcase from the trunk and slammed it shut. "I promise, mum," I sighed lowly.

My mum got out of the car as well and hugged me tightly. "Please don't do anything stupid, Dom. I love you." She pecked my head and let go of me.

"Love you, too, mum," I returned, checked my plane ticket and walked to the gate. There was already one of my teachers waiting for me.

"Est-ce que tu es excité, Dom?" he asked me cheerfully and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"You can speak English when you're talking to me, y'know," I mumbled lowly and my teacher's face changed for the fraction of a second. My French was great but I preferred English for it was my fucking mother tongue.

Why didn’t this little piece of shit understand that after I had told him a gazillion times? I hated this guy.

"It's still the same question," he said, pursing his lips and I nodded.

"Yes, I am excited," I admitted hesitantly.  _And motherfucking scared_ , I added mentally but kept my mouth shut.

"You should be," the teacher pointed out. "Not everybody gets the chance to be a part of an exchange programme like this."

He had a point there but it was basically just like going home for me. My mum and I had moved from England to Nice two years ago and I would stay in this town called Teignmouth for a year.

"On s'en va!" the teacher exclaimed when the flight was announced from the giant speakers and we walked down the gangway together.

It kind of annoyed me how my mum insisted on me having a babysitter. It was only a six hour flight to Exeter and another half an hour for the drive from there to Teignmouth. My mum thought I wasn't seventeen, she thought I was like twelve - that's what she treated me like at least.

 

Matt's P.O.V.

 

"OH MY GOD!" Tom yelled.

"What is it?" Chris asked him.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT IF THEY HAVE A PET MOOSE? WHAT IF THEY HAVE A FUCKING  _PET MOOSE_?!" Tom squealed happily and Chris and I exchanged a quick glance.

"Just because your host family lives in Sweden doesn't necessarily mean that they have a pet moose," Chris remarked and grinned.

Tom's overly excited face disappeared and was replaced by a blank expression. "But it would so frickin' cool," he mumbled in disappointment, looking at his feet.

"Yeah. Pwetty cool," I agreed.

We heard the sound of a car horn behind us and turned around.

"Oh well. Gotta go then, I guess," Tom sighed, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

I embraced him. "I'm gonna miss you, bwo," I stated and gave him a crooked smile when I let go of him and looked him in the eye.

"Come here, Kirky," Chris stuttered and gave Tom a bone-crushing hug.

Chris released him after about five seconds and stared at him intently. Was he sniffing?

"Aw, dude, don't make me cry!" Tom exclaimed and hugged Chris once again. "I won't be gone forever, y'know? And you can call me every day," Tom muttered soothingly and Chris nodded.

I handed Tom his suitcase and he skipped towards the taxi that waited for him. Chris and I watched our friend get inside and then he drove off. And we wouldn't see him in a year...

 

Dom's P.O.V.

 

I had started fidgeting with my sleeves and when I noticed, I forced myself to take my hands down.

I didn't want to hurt myself... again...

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll soon arrive at Exeter airport, Devon. Please switch off all electronic devices for your and the other air passengers' safety. Furthermore we advise you to please adjust your seat belts and get in a comfortable position for the landing. Thank you," the pilot announced over the speakers and I took a deep breath.

He repeated the same announcement in French, thanked us for traveling with this airline and blah blah blah.

I zoned out whilst my teacher, who of fucking course sat right next to me, beamed at me. Creepy old bastard.

The stewardesses ran around and checked if everybody did what they were supposed to do.

 

**~**

 

The two of us got into the hired car and made our way to my new school. Yay.

After ten minutes of the teacher babbling about how it was so weird with the left-hand traffic and shit, I sighed loudly and popped my ear buds into my ears.

I put on 'Know Your Enemy' by Rage Against The Machine and turned the volume up to block out the teacher's annoying voice.

He gave me a brief indignant look before he concentrated on driving again.

I didn't really give a fuck about what this pillock thought about me. I wouldn't have lessons with him this year so... why should I care?

I slid out of my seat and got my suitcase from the trunk.

“Your host family’s name is… Bellamy. You’re gonna move in with the little brother of Paul,” the teacher told me and I nodded.

Paul was the guy who would live with my mum for the next year. I hadn’t lived with a boy before but he couldn’t be worse than my sister, could he?

I was guided to the school yard which was crowded with people. I hated crowds. They made me panicky.

"Zut," the teacher muttered as he eyed the mass of students. His pale blue eyes flickered from face to face, searching for Paul's brother. "Ah! Matthew!" he suddenly exclaimed, his thick French accent coming through again.

A small skinny boy spun on his heels and stared at us. His face lit up and he ran towards us. As he came closer, I could see how stunning he was. Especially his eyes. Oh, these electric blue eyes...


	2. Chapter 2

Dom's P.O.V.

 

The boy in front of us scanned me from my hairline to my feet and grinned.

"Est-ce que t-tu-" he stuttered in broken French and I snickered.

"Don't worry, you can speak English when talking to me," I stated and the boy sighed in relief.

"I'm Matt," he introduced himself and shook my hand.

"Dom," I returned and smiled shyly.

Matt looked at the teacher. "You can leave now," he stated sternly and the teacher blinked, more than just taken off guard by the boy's tone. Then he walked off. Matt chuckled.

"He's gone. Finally," he said and grinned broadly.

"Yeah... he's annoying as fuck," I agreed. We were walking down a long hallway now and eventually reached a small room.

"You can store your suitcase here for the day," Matt explained. "The number of your locker is..." He glanced at a small paper in his hand. "127."

"Uh-huh," I answered and put down my suitcase.

"How was the flight?" Matt asked and I rubbed my neck.

"Um... it was okay, I guess... well... this son of a bitch-" I pointed over my shoulder. "- sat next to me the entire time, being a fucking creep. Besides that it was pretty relaxed," I explained and chuckled.

"Oh well... I think we'll get along pwetty well," Matt laughed. "I'll intwoduce you to my fwiends, alwight?"

"Yeah, sure," I responded and followed him.

 

~

 

"This is Chwis," Matt said, pointing at a tall brown-haired boy with dark brown eyes. I shook his hand and he grinned at me. "This is Morgan." The slightly smaller boy next to Chris shook my hand as well.

"So guys, this is Dom. Be nice to him, he's new here," Matt explained and gave them a stern look. I bit my lip.

"Sir, yes, sir," Chris mocked and stuck his tongue out at Matt.

"Shut up, you little shit," he returned, laughing and slapped his arm.

"Nice to meet you guys anyways..." I mumbled and trailed off, chuckling awkwardly.

"Nice to meet you, too, bro," Morgan returned and fist bumped me.

 _Great chaps to spend time with..._  I thought and smiled.

When the bell rang and we were on the way to our lockers, Matt suddenly tapped my shoulder and I turned around.

"Um... I'm having this party at my house and it would make me vewy happy if you... if you would be a part of that, Dom," Matt told me.

"Yes, of course," I responded as I drowned in his electric blue eyes.

"Yay!" Matt exclaimed and threw his arms around me. He pulled away and blushed. "S-sowy," he stammered.

"It's okay," I assured him and chuckled. "And... what do your parents think about this whole party thing?"

"I don't know where my dad will be - I'm pwetty sure he wouldn't mind - and mum is out with her friends over the weekend, so..." Matt said and shrugged, grinning.

"I'm psyched for this, to be honest," I admitted and smiled.

"So am I!" Matt agreed. "Let's go to your new home, shall we?" I nodded eagerly.

 

~

 

Matt drew the keys from his pocket and opened the door. "After you," he sing-songed and smiled broadly.

"Thank you," I said and picked up my suitcase and my schoolbag.

"Nuh-uh, Imma take this," Matt insisted and snatched the suitcase from my hand. What a gentleman...

I stepped through the door and was welcomed by a huge, well illuminated hall with a flight of stairs leading upstairs from the left side of it. On the other side there were three doors next to each other.

"For the toilet, kitchen and living room," Matt explained as if he had been reading my mind and motioned for me to follow him up the stairs.

"This is your new room!" Matt announced proudly and set the suitcase down on the ground.

"W-whoa," I blurted out. That's all I was able to say right now. The room was very big. The floor was covered with thick grey carpet and the walls were of a light blue. There was a big closet and a gigantic bed with a neat nightstand.

"Glad you like it," Matt mumbled and smirked. "This is the door to your vewy own bathroom," he stated and showed it to me.

The bathroom had a shower, a bathtub, a full body mirror and the usual stuff - toilet, sink, et cetera.

"It's great! I love it!" I exclaimed happily and smiled at Matt.

"That's good." He smiled back at me and put his arm around my shoulder.

I was a bit startled by his move and it made me feel uncomfortable but I told myself to let Matt do it. He didn't want me bad so why would I push him away?

"If you ever need something, my room is wight next door. So... get comfy, I guess!" Matt encouraged me. "Imma get some snacks for us weady."

"Okay..."

 

~

 

Matt and I sat down on the sofa of the living room. "Your family comes fwom Fwance?" Matt asked me suddenly and I shook my head.

"They're from England, actually. I was born and raised here. Then we moved to Nice a little over two years ago," I explained and nodded.

"Do you miss Nice?" Matt asked me.

"I've only been here for a day," I mentioned and shrugged. "I don't really know if I miss it yet."

"Uh-huh..." An awkward silence came up.

"You wanna listen to some music?" Matt suggested.

"Yeah, sure. Why not? What music?" I returned.

"Um... Well, I weally love Led Zeppelin, Rage Against The Machine, Queen..."

" _Oh my god!_  These are my favourite bands!" I exclaimed.

"Told you we would get along well," Matt stated and smirked at me, a glint in the eye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of su*cide and self-loathing

Dom's P.O.V.

 

Today would be day of the party... or rather night... I was so nervous. Matt would be the host and the whole thing would take place in this house, here, where I was!

I opened my eyes and turned to the side. The alarm clock would go off in twenty minutes. Enough time to think...

When I had spent the last few days with Matt and his friends, I had noticed that they accepted and respected me and I was very grateful for that.

 _They accept you because no one knows_ , I corrected myself and frowned.  _Not even Matt knows. Maybe I should tell him at the party..._

He was a  _very_  nice guy and I couldn't help but admit that I fancied him. A lot.

I had also noticed that I did not really miss Nice. Sure it was great and all but this here fit me better.

"There's no Matt in Nice," I mumbled absentmindedly. Wait what?

I covered my mouth with my hand. Had I just said that out loud?

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door. "C-Come in," I stuttered and Matt entered the room with a big smile on his face.

"Ah! Bonjour, haha. I thought you were still asleep," Matt stated and closed the door behind him.

He looked me over real quick - which, of course, made me flush beet red - and sat down at my bed.

I automatically pulled the blanket a bit higher so that everything except for my head was covered and bit my lip.

"Hey... I won't hurt you or anything," Matt mumbled softly and chuckled.

We locked glances and it felt as if my heart got stuck in my throat.

"C-Can I get dressed?" I stuttered.

"Of course you can," Matt said and stood up. "I'm gonna prepare breakfast," he added, pointing over his shoulder and left.

When I was completely sure he was gone, I climbed out of the bed and went to the bathroom. As soon as I saw myself in the full body mirror, I burst into tears.

_You are so disgusting. Look at yourself. DO IT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!_

I raised my glance at my reflection and blinked the tears away for a second. In front of me was a fat ugly worm, their arms and thighs covered with thousands of cuts from so many years.

 _See yourself? See what worthless piece of shit you are? Go die already! You're so pathetic! Why couldn't you even cut properly - right down at the vein? You better take a rope next time. That'll take longer and be more painful. But effective. Sufficient to wipe out a_   ** _thing_** _like you. Kill yourself, come on and do us all a favor._ *

I fell to the tiled floor, shaking.

"Stop..." I whispered bleakly.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. Matt. "Dom?"

I got to my feet as fast as I could manage and slipped into my pants with trembling hands. I pulled the oversized hoodie over my head and sniffed.

"Dom, are you okay?" Matt asked from outside the door.

"I-I'm fine," I managed to say in a somewhat steady voice even though I still felt like crying forever.

I exited the bathroom a few minutes later, brushed past Matt without saying another word and made my way to the kitchen. He followed right behind.

As we ate the cereal Matt had prepared, he eyed with with concern.

"You sure you're okay?" Matt observed.

"Yes."

I felt sick. It wasn't the cereal, it was eating itself. I just wanted to lock myself in the bathroom for the rest of the day and get rid of it. I wanted to stick my fingers down my throat, puke the day away. Just to feel the acid burn my oesophagus, my throat, my mouth. And then I would feel better. A lot.

Matt ripped me from my thoughts. "Weady to go?" he asked with a small smile.

"Y-Yes," I replied even though it wasn't the full truth.  _Maybe I'll do it later..._

We walked to school together. Friday was a short school day so it would over soon. Thank god. Everything kind of sped up throughout the day as the party came closer and closer.

 

~

 

Matt and I arrived at his house and brought our things to our rooms.

"We better lock the doors. People can get weal cwazy when there's alcohol involved, y'know?" Matt remarked and I nodded my agreement.

We got everything ready for the party to start, food, drinks, etc. Now we only had to wait for the guests to arrive. The first ones were Chris and Morgan, then there were also others. So many faces I hadn't seen before. I took a deep breath.

"Follow me, Dom. I'll intwoduce you to some people," Matt suggested and offered me his hand.

My skin tingled as I took it and he guided me through the mass of people.

 

~

 

"This-" Matt pointed at a tall boy who was dancing around drunkenly. "-is Aaron who is now here in Tom's stead. He's an okay guy but when he's pissed up... you better stay away fwom him," he advised me and I nodded.

Speaking of the devil - of course drunk Aaron came stalking towards us.

"Hej," he slurred and I glanced at him, unmoved.

Aaron's eyes met mine and he snickered.

"Vad är du, ha? Är du en man? En kvinna? Skit! Jag veter inte, hahaha. Faktiskt väldigt äckligt." Aaron shook his head and broke into hysterical laughter. I didn't know what he had said but I could tell by his disgusted face expression that it must have been something insulting. 

"You know what?" I said calmly. "Just go fuck yourself, aight?" I gave him a sweet smile and he snorted. More hysterical laughter.

Matt pursed his lips and put his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "We should-" he began but was interrupted.

"Jag hatar dig, din lille jävla rövhål..." Aaron grinned evilly before his face turned angry. "Nu drå att helvete, för fan!" He poked my arm and cringed. "Irgh!"

"Goddamn, I miss Tom," Chris stated in frustration as the three of us watched Aaron stumble away and puke all over some girl’s feet.


	4. Chapter 4

Matt's P.O.V.

 

Dom looked so insanely uncomfortable; I couldn't stand it any longer. I touched his arm gently and motioned for him to follow me to my room.

When Dom and I had managed to make our way through the crowd of drunken people, we locked ourselves in and sat down on my bed. Dom had a blank expression plastered onto his face now. I ran my finger along his palm and he quickly pulled his hand away.

"Dom, I- I'm so sowy for what happened, I-" I began but he cut me off by putting his finger to my lips.

"It's not your fault, Matt," he assured me quickly. We were silent for a bit, each of us lost in our very own thoughts.

 

Dom's P.O.V.

 

Matt opened his mouth and closed it again. "But... you're such a nice guy and you don't deserve this," he said eventually.

 _Such a nice guy..._ I decided that I wouldn't correct him.

"I feel like I owe you something. I want to make up for this," Matt explained and bit his lip, his electric blue eyes resting on my face. I gazed at my lap.

"We could do something in the park together... maybe tomorrow?" Matt suggested and my head snapped up.

"Y-You mean like a date?" I asked cautiously.

Matt shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. Like a date." He grinned at me and I smiled back shyly.

When the party was over - at 3 in the morning - Matt, Chris, Morgan and I got everything cleaned up.

I flopped myself down on my bed, exhausted, and fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

 

~The next day, after school~

 

When we got home, I told Matt that I would change real quick before we would go to the park. I slipped out of my clothes. Then I took a deep breath and looked at the reflection in the mirror.

I tried to push away all the thoughts as good as I could. No need for an emotional breakdown right now. Ha! As if it was so easy to control...

I turned away quickly, shaking my head and walked over to my closet. I was feeling more feminine today and I didn't know how Matt would react if I dressed accordingly. He seemed to be one of these people who would encourage you to do what you're most comfortable with though. I couldn't help but feel extremely nervous regardless.

Coming out was never easy. Not even to people who seemed to be super open-minded. Many people who would never be in this situation didn't understand that getting yourself there - getting over your fears, took effort.

I had decided that I would wear a skirt for the date. Maybe that would even make it easier to explain to Matt. To explain who I was.

I slipped into my leopard-print shirt and my leather jacket, then into the skirt. It reached about down to my knees so that Matt wouldn't see my thighs. And the  shirt I had chosen had no sleeves - that's why I thought I would also go with my long sleeve jacket. I didn't want to tell him  _that_  as well.

Finally, I pulled my silver converse over my feet and told myself that I was ready to go. With one last deep breath, I opened the door of my room and went outside. My legs felt funny as I walked down the stairs and I held onto the handrail tightly. I had never been this nervous in my entire life.

"M-Matt?"

"Yes?" he called from the kitchen.

I walked up behind him, his back was facing me. "I... I have to tell you something. It's important," I stated and bit my lip.

Matt spun on his heels and his eyes widened as he looked me over.

I covered my face with my hands and started sobbing. "I-I know. You'll hate me for this. I-" I trailed off.

Matt wrapped his arms around me and stroked my back. "Hey shh... it's okay, Dom. I could never hate you..." he soothed.

I sniffed and he let go of me. "I-I'm genderfluid," I choked out.

"Wha- ... What does that mean?" Matt observed, his beautiful voice still calm.

"I'm not a boy... and not a girl," I explained and he knit his brows. "The gender I identify with can change from one moment to the other," I whispered eventually.

Matt was silent for a while, just scanning my face. My lower lip started quivering and I bit down on it.

_He hates you... just like everyone else does..._

"And... why exactly am I supposed to hate you for who you are, Dom?" Matt asked rhetorically. He hugged me again and it was the best feeling I had ever experienced. "Oh, and by the way... did I mess up your pronouns?"

Matt was the only person who had ever asked me that. I sniffed and chuckled lowly, wiping the tears away. The way he said "pronouns" was adorable. "I go by 'they'," I stated and he nodded.

We were silent again.

"You look so pwetty," Matt remarked eventually and I blushed deeply. "Aw... you're so cute when you're blushing," he added and poked my cheek, laughing.

DID HE JUST CALL ME PRETTY AND CUTE?!

"Thank you, Matt," I mumbled sheepishly. "For everything."

"You're welcome," Matt returned with a huge smile on his face. "Are you weady to go to the park now?"

"Yes, I think so," I answered truthfully.

 

~

 

We sat down on one of the benches.

"So... how did you find out?" Matt asked eventually.

I looked up and we locked glances. "Um... that must have been about the time I was thirteen, I think... I just noticed that I... fit neither female nor male gender..." I told him and he nodded.

"What did your parents say?"

"Well... my mother was like 'Uh huh.' and she didn't really give a shit about what it meant and still means for me. She misgenders me to this day. And she claimed that she couldn't understand how or why non-binary people, so agender, bigender, genderfluid, amalgagender, intergender, demigender, pangender and so on existed... My dad died when I was eight," I explained and looked down.

Matt put his hand on my shoulder. "That's horrible. I'm so sowy," he said with genuine compassion to his voice.

"It's o-" I began but was interrupted by loud laughter and voices.

"Oi! Bellamy and Howard!" one guy yelled. I didn't know his name but I felt like I had seen his face before.

Matt and I turned in their direction. There was four of them. "Irgh, you're into drag now, huh?" the guy from before mocked with a disgusted face.

"Just leave Dom alone. They can decide themselves what they wanna wear," Matt retorted defensively.

" _'They'?! What are you?_ " the guy asked and pretended to gag, making his friends burst out laughing.

I bit my lip and glanced at my lap. "I am genderfluid."

"Genderfluid, huh? That's what you look like, too. Like you're just gonna  _float away_!" More laughing. "You don't know whether you have a pussy or a dick? Why don't you just  _decide,_  you  _freak_!" he spat and shoved me to the ground before Matt could do something.

The guys walked off, laughing out loud and Matt knelt down next to me.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. It was at this moment that I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.

 


End file.
